An experience to remember:
I've often had an interest in spiritual experiences. Some say man has an innate need for that. I can only speak for myself, but at times I have gone through phases wherein spirituality was important to me. I've been to various churches in my life, but it has always felt like it's the inward search for meaning that really counted.
In the summer of '91, everything seemed fine, but life was lacking. I was ready to find a deeper meaning, and it could only be looked for then.

It started simply enough. Mike, a friend I hadn't seen for a week found me and invited me to "a sort of prayer meeting".
I've been through a lot with Mike. Drinking buddy, long-haired-friend-of-Jesus, rival car fanatic. I hadn't been involved in a Christian activity for a few years, but his enthusiasm had me curious. He talked about a prayer meeting where people were reaching the point they could "prophesise" things that actually happened ! I went along with my "we'll see" attitude. The owners of the house were old acquaintances. But the focus of this little group was a woman in her 30s' named Debbie. She spoke with a confidence that left little doubt about finding a "deeper spiritual reality". I was simply introduced to two others in the group, a married couple named Derek and Reline, and I was invited to join them for prayer. I was surprised that there was no ceremony, no bible reading, just joining hands and praying for the sake of prayer. They started with a thanks to various things in life, then they flowed into praying in toungs.
OK, I've prayed in toungs before. Now I don't actually think when I did it I was speaking another language. I used to think that, but I realised that the only thing I've gotten from toungs was a nice clearing of my mind, a stopping of that "internal dialogue" that keeps me tied to my days events. I left there with my mind still doubting, but the idea of going back felt right. Days turned into weeks as I returned and prayed in toungs. I had some talks with Debbie about what it means to be a prophet and having all gifts of the holy spirit. She claimed to have had the "anointings" and was a prophet for a time. Now she was a "teacher", and she was there to teach us how to "hear" god. Her confidence helped me reach that goal.
Praying in toungs empties the mind of conscious though. Eventually that gave Jesus room to speak though me. This is implausible, and requires proof. Bear with me. Gradually I learned to let myself go, and let Jesus speak through me. A few of us would sit together and take turns speaking prophesy. I'll never forget the frightening joy of knowing what the others were about to say before they spoke it, and letting the voice speak through me, knowing the others knew what would be spoken through me.
There is a proof that spiritual matters must meet. If a "prophecy" or a "word of knowledge" is something that could be know naturally, we must assume it is not supernatural. Even if things spoken could not be known, don‘t be too quick to believe untill you weigh it against all wrong ones. But I was awed and humbled when words left my mouth of things I could not have known, and they would prove true. They became consistant, but I noticed nothing really important was spoken.
There were many moments that were vital for my faith. Once I felt like relaxing and meeting Mike for a nice, normal cup of coffee. I hadn't seen Mike for a few days at that point, but the Jesus voice in my head said I could meet him at a particular restaurant at 7:00 pm.
I was late. I walked in at 7:10, and sure enough, as soon as he sees me, he bugged me for being 10 minutes late. Oh well, at least his faith was strong enough to wait through my tardiness. He once told me of a time he and his girlfriend ( a girl in the group named Nicole ) were told to circle a city block three times while praying in toungs to clean it of “dark spirits“. The moment his van crossed the starting point the third lap, lightning struck the building in front of them, bright enough to trigger the street lights switch, turning them all off on that street... That sort of thing does tend to inspire faith. There were many times we would do things following the voice of Jesus, usually with another in the group "listening" ahead. Normally, it didn't seem to be for anything more important than building faith.
As time passed, our activities grew more complex. "Spiritual battles" became common. We were presented with various "dark spirits". We had to pray in toungs until our souls were clean enough to banish them. Those battles escalated to bigger "demons" with spiritual blocks we needed to break before banishing the spirits. Cleaning our own souls was always first. It became common for us to meet in various places without needing to plan with anyone about where or when. But why?
After being immersed in this for about three months, I felt inspired to completely abandon myself to god. After a meeting with some of the group at a nearby lake, I told Jesus I was willing to park my car in a nearby field, completely abandon everything I had known, and walk into a new life.
The car was near the field. As I reached the intersection, Jesus gave me the word to turn right instead, and return to town.
Ok, back to the life I was not finished living. But from then on, I felt different. In the spirit, Jesus handed me up to God the father. Even the light touch of God I was given, was like looking at the open sky for the first time. Later that day I told Debbie of my experience, she said to a couple of us that we were now in our own "worlds", and that only we could know what was right for us to do, and where to be.
A few days later we all gathered in the kitchen of Tamaras’ house. This was not the typical meeting for us. For a while we were all silent. The voice in my mind quietly and clearly told me, "you are not of the world, but you are back in the world". I did not see the significance of that until later.

Inconsistencies were showing. Tamara was once with Debbie and phoned me ( yes, phoning is allowed ;) ) saying that Debbie was sick and needed an "anointing" from me to help her heal. Odd. I listened for what I should be doing and heard nothing about going there for any reason. I went there at Tamaras’ request anyhow, and once I was there, I did hear that Debbie needed an anointing to get well. That was strange, it was the first time the voice changed what it was telling me. Over the next few days I noticed several times that the words of knowledge in my mind would change when I was near certain people. It was very alarming! At one point, Three of us felt that it was urgent that we rescue Tamara from Debbie. That was easy, we went the a hotel where Debbie was staying and Tamara was waiting in the lobby, almost as if we asked her to.
I think it was then that four of us decided we had to leave the group and live our own lives. We all noticed that when we spoke prophecy, we no longer spoke things we could not know. When the voice told us what we should do, if we changed our minds, the voice would change too. This seemed like a sad and disturbing ending to a deep spiritual walk with god, but to keep going, pretending that we could still hear Jesus and God… That seemed like a path of a false prophet.
But some of us who were put “back into the world” were tricked into continuing. It’s a pity Debbie forgot her own words, that “we were now in our own worlds, and only we could know what was right for us”.
Our paths forever parted.

Where I'm at now:
I've had several years now to come to terms with what we experienced that summer. For a while we were convinced that it was evolving into a cult. This made sense after reading the book "Combating Cult Mind Control", which details how genuine spiritual experiences are often twisted by a self appointed "teacher" or "prophet" into a cult, and sometimes into a pseudo-religion. Mike had the courage to rejoin the group. He woke up two others to the inconsistencies and helped them get back to their own lives. I've studied sciences with an eye to disproving my experiences, but much of what I experienced still stands. I noticed the movie "Down the rabbit hole" does shows the brain has an ability to perform such "metaphysical" functions. In fact, "remote knowledge" should be common. If we are taught to listen.
Its important to note, during the three months I lived with the group, none of us spoke any prophesy that would really change anything. No miracles were done to prove anything to anyone. Everything we did was to prove God only to ourselves. Even the mystical meetings with demons, angels, Satan, Jesus, and interactions with each other were only there for our faith in God. Not one thing happened that could prove to the world that God exists. To us, nothing in the world was more real than God. We were "reborn in Gods likeness".
And now I've been startled to learned about Gnostics. Gnostic is from the Greek word for knowledge. As it applies to the first Christians, it implies a search for inner knowledge of God. It seems the first Christians learned to "bring out" the Christ within themselves, rather than obey church doctrine. It didn’t conform to any orthodoxy and acknowledged that each person may have their own way to find God, but the search must always be inward, rather than following rituals invented by men. Similar to the Sufi sect of Islam, or the Zen sect of Buddhism. To me, this rings true, even if the name and words are different, its all about the inner search.

It’s possible that the summer of '91 may be the best thing that ever happened to me. I just wish someone had warned me of a couple things:
- Everything I would do is only for my own faith. Don't yell out on a street corner and expect to change the world (not on your own accord anyhow).
- When God tells you "you're back in the world", don't let anyone stop you. Just go.... and celebrate.
And now I go through life with the overwhelming feeling that I have no right to control anyone, and the annoying feeling that everyone can hear what I'm thinking ( not always a good thing...)

I saw Derek more recently. I met him in a big-box store, and told him about a tech school I was going to. He should apply and come too... then I saw the far-away look in his eyes, the slight movement of his lips as he tried to "hear" what he should do. I watched him listen to his own turmoil. That's not the freedom I learned.
I wanted to thank Debbie for teaching me the unteachable, I wanted to strangle her for trying to trap me like she trapped Derek ... and still I wonder if the "rapture" will pick me up in that kitchen back in '91.